Flaring Felicity

Originally published May 26, 2013 | Rewritten with clarity and hindsight

This story is about first impressions, quiet insights, and the longing we all carry—to be understood, not just observed. It started one evening when I surprised myself with a simple yes.

An Unexpected Yes

It’s not my usual habit to share a few beer bottles with men I barely know.
But that night, something in me leaned into the invitation. I said yes.

Three hours passed quickly. We exchanged stories, challenged ideas, and wandered into oddly freeing conversations.

And as always, the writer in me found something to hold on to—
a thread of thought that teased my curiosity, like how beer invites you to sip a little more.

Prejudice and What We Get Wrong

“Judgment is a reflex. But self-awareness is a choice.”

Have you ever judged someone too quickly? Based on their tone, their look, their timing?

I advocate for fairness and social justice and intensely dislike being misunderstood.Yet I know I’ve done it too—projected assumptions before giving others a chance.

Even as you read this, you might’ve formed an impression from the opening scene. That’s okay.

I’m fine—and I now understand that being judged doesn’t make you wrong, either.

We’re constantly offered the choice: to judge or to stay curious.
And the wiser we become, the more we realise how little we know at first glance.

The Men We Overlook

I used to associate silence in men with insecurity.
I was drawn to the magnetic ones—the storytellers, the life of the party.
That mindset, I now realise, probably caused me to overlook the ones who noticed me quietly.

When you pause your biases, you begin to see people not for how loud they are, but for how present they can be.

Of course, discernment still matters. We don’t discard our instincts. But sometimes, what we call “intuition” is really just habit disguised as fear.

Words That Linger: Lessons from Strangers

That night, the two men I spoke with surprised me in more ways than one.
They were honest. Passionate. Unapologetically themselves.

“Don’t make life complicated.
You complicate things when you rationalize.
You rationalize only when there is fear.
Faith needs no backup plan.”
– Gentleman 1

He was a risk-taker—values-driven, committed, willing to leap where others hesitate.

I’ve met men like him before. Their certainty can feel overwhelming. They ask you to jump fast, fueled by feelings alone.

But women like me—and many of my friends—tend to pause, think, and ask.

We want context. We want clarity. We want to understand where you’re coming from just as much as we long to be understood.

Then the second gentleman offered something I hadn’t heard in a while:

“How can you say you love someone when you’ve stopped trying to know them? There’s always something more to learn—about a person, even about God. There’s always something to ask.”
– Gentleman 2

That hit me hard.

Because I had stopped asking.
Not because I didn’t care, but because I was tired.
Tired of waiting for answers. Tired of misinterpretations.
Tired of assuming that silence meant rejection.

From Knowing to Believing

Words matter to me.
It’s how I love. How I connect. How I feel safe.

But lately, I’ve been shifting from asking to acting.
From curiosity to commitment.
From knowing to believing.

“Faith without action is dead.”
– James 2:26

Love isn’t just about learning facts.
It’s about transforming knowledge into presence.
Into daily decisions. Into showing up—especially when clarity fades.

The Deepest Desire: To Be Known

As the night wound down, I shared a few thoughts aloud. And in doing so, I said more about myself than I expected.

“I appreciate the freedom to make my own choices.
I want to learn from others—but I want the space to decide.
Don’t instruct me. Just try to understand me.”

Later, one of them described me as driven.
It was meant as a compliment. But what I really heard in myself was something deeper:

I just want to be known.

Quotable Moments to Keep Close

“You don’t love someone by knowing about them.
You love them by staying—especially when they change.”

“Familiarity opens the door. Curiosity keeps it open.”

“Sometimes, the strongest desire isn’t to be admired. It’s to be understood.”

“Judgment may come first—but love chooses to stay curious.”